Do Not Trust This Man, Or His Associates.

With a solid week of Christmas songs at work via local radio, two things are now obvious. (1) Santa Claus is a puritanical stalker. (2) His reindeer are status-driven, discriminatory pricks. Let’s take them in reverse order, based upon a couple holiday classic songs.

Don't trust this man.

Don’t trust this man.

In “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” all the reindeer laugh at Rudolph and refuse to play with him, presumably because he is different (red nose). That all changes when Santa taps Rudolph to be team leader and guide the sleigh. Suddenly all the reindeer “love” Rudolph.

“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” presents a far more troubling picture, especially for parents. Background information says he lives in the remote North, but he apparently travels extensively watching children sleep, noting when they are awake, and having rigid opinions regarding appropriate behavior, categorizing them as naughty or nice. And he is recording the data (making a list) and fact checking his own opinion, twice. He is also emotionally controlling, expecting children to be happy all or most of the time, at least not exhibiting unhappy behavior. Crying or pouting, for instance, is expressly condemned.

So each year, for several weeks, children see folks honor terrible behavior. They see it is OK to ridicule and ostracize people because they are different, until that person’s worth is validated by an authority figure. And they learn a stranger can monitor their private life, requiring them to behave in a certain way, and they will be rewarded if they comply with those demands.

And don’t get me started on felony hit and run committed upon an elderly woman — a grandmother.

And then Santa Clause made out with a mother in view of her child, so god forbid we have to explain the whole MILF thing to kids.

Anyway, don’t trust them.